The Great Escape

Dream of leaving and never looking back wasn't just a fantasy of mine, it was my real desire. Something that was meant to mend broken pieces of my heart and put it together. 
This was sireous mission. Mysterous concept of plan that could be very useful in terms of getting out of bad stresfull turn of events, and the main purpose is preventing them from happening again. Leaving this city, these toxic people, this place from scary corner of my mind, this awful nightmare of my life, this hole that we call ''home'', leaving everyone who don't care and leaving them 0 chances to break you down ever again, every adventure starts with running away from home and escaping the thoughts was primar goal, i didn't want to be left alone, but escaping this devastating reallity would be permenant solution and final line that i need to cross to get to know what hapiness feels like. Beacoming liberal, free, and independant, while putting all in sacrifice for a fresh start, going all in, giving 1000 % of yourself in work, and not caring how will everyone react and feel, that's what i like to call, the art of getting bye. There is this cruical time in your life, when you're constantly wondering is it only yours faulth for the misery that surrounds you, and you ask yourself ''Should i stay or should i go?", you should always get away with murdering the sadness, 'cause that way you free your mind, body, and soul from such a toxic but also kinda necessarily feeling that 99% of people are going through everyday. When memories sneak out of your eyes and roll down to your cheeks, you know the water that your body produced means drowning in your own mind, you know there is no mistake or accident, and that's exact time when you ask yourself ''This can't be final chapter, or is it? Is this is only sign that there is another chapter? I need to be more creative. I need to create another chapter beacuse if this continues this way.. My life as a book would be boring''. This was always one of my common though, if you don't know what kind of life you want to life, imagine if it's a book, have you? Then you probably woulnd't want to end up in hands of old men for 0,99cents, would you? You would wanna be best-seller.

Do we all sometimes want to escape something or someone that makes us feel like we're not worth it? Do we need to sacrifice so that we could gain, do we need to taste pain before hapiness, black before rainbow, bitter before sweet, are we supposed to ruin our reallity and create this whole other dimension that will lead us to right way, and then escape into that reallity Vol. 2?
Nobody knows how did we felt if they weren't walking in our shoes, and nobody will ever know how much did we burn our feet. Unseen feelings, untold stories, unforgiven things, unforgettable goodbies are the worst. We want to escape inevitable, but somehow we need to find a way to succeed. That is the greatest feeling of them all. To do what makes you happy even if hundreds are against you, to escape what makes you feel like you are buried 6 feets under even if hundreds are telling you to stay, to find grain of hapiness in the brood of  outraged people who suffocate your mind and you just feel like you are trapped in the state of mind between awake and asleep, between life and death, between love and hate, between hapiness and sadness, while you are waiting for the final act where one overcomes another. If you manage to succeed in that, you are one step closer to emotional fulfillment, and after the win, you will feel like you've just conquer the war, you will feel like you've just destroyed everything evil, 'cause that's what it feels like you defeat yourself, die, reborn, and come back to life as another person. Second chances are not given to make things right, they are given to prove that we could rise from the ashes and be better after we fall.
Society IS contradictory. Society is twisted, two-faced, so you never know where exactly should you hit harder. They ask you to be yourself and then, they judge for that. This is their first step in making you feel like you don't belong here, making you feel like it's not your time and that you can't blend in, there are 7 thrilion nerves in our bodies and we let society get on every single of them, beacuse of our weak personallity. This is first time when you feel like escaping the reallity, friends, fake/real, bullies, haters, small-minded parents who don't understand how you feel, conservative family that will never support your dreams, brother or sister who won't show support on your side while you are supporting them your whole life, when the feeling called ''Everyone hates me'' starts to dominate, when you feel like there is no point anymore, where depression is war you can't win, when you keep getting flashbacks of things that makes you wanna dissapear, that's exactly when you don't need water to drown, and you want to end everything or you go straight to dead-end street in darkest corner of your mind, then you can finally say ''This is what escaping life feels like'', but still you need to remember that thinking about death, let alone going there isn't fixing your problems, it's erasing all the solution of ever getting better. Escaping the place that feels like captivity, taking your faith into your hands, changing the destiny, and bringing colors to your black and white life could be an attemp to creative possibility of getting better and doors that you've been waiting from the moment you open your eyes this morning.
No matter who you are, no matter where you live, no matter what air you breathe, what posion you pick, what do you do to survive, you will always be judged, critisized, and shamed for you who you are. But i need you to promise me, when those dark thoughts find a way to you again and you find yourself in the dark corners of your mind and feel like escaping this weird shit called life, remember that wised men once said ''There is only one way to avoid critism. To do nothing, to say nothing, and to be nothing''.
Maybe once you kill your old-self, create your new-self, erase your past, and start to write your future, that is when you are ready to escape the previous body, enter the new one, where you feel like a person, where you feel like true escaping, abandoning, walking out of your past life, entering your new life, liberation of everything, feeling great taste of new mornings, cause this time you know that horror ends when you close your eyes, it doesn't continues, 'cause you... You escaped.

Self - Therapy

 - Self Therapy -

I was walking in the streets, where is the best fashion show, where emotions on people faces are pure and honest, where nobody is hidden behind curtains, where you feel violence that victim by the corner feels, where broken home is not only broken house, but broken people in it, where every soul is trapped in ghosttown and you hear their calling, where you see graffiti with hate messages, and you're about to defend graffiti as saying that it's art, not vandalism, but you can't beacuse it sends all the wrong messages, streets where you see a drama movie in real version, where everyone blaims the town, the streets, the birds, the dogs, the air we breathe and marks them as problems beacuse of their own problems. You could often hear 'streets made me this way' by a drug addict, or see beaten dog laying on the ground hoping someone will notice, so this all leads me to question, are the streets, houses,  places where we were born, raised and grew up, self-portrait of us, now beacame self-therapy for us, or they beacame self-destruction for us? Before we find the world peace, we gotta find peace on these streets, and before we find that one, we need to feel our inner peace, so we could share peace with everyone, beacuse love and peace are both two-way-street, but that does not guarentee meeting in half-way, and if you can't walk on them, first you need to learn how to crawl. However, i was walking in the actual streets, when this familiar NN person stops me like a taxi, and after 5 minutes we were on totally other side of world, by the time she let me answer on her question ''Where are you going, how are you?'' which she herself answered on her questions that i did not asked, with a thousand questions and answers, its like i've been to shopping for 5 minutes and now i've got bags on top of bags, so i started to imagine flying violins and talking piano and singing harp, who were self-portrait of her boring gossips that no one cared about, so as i was given short time to answer i've said: ''I'm going to therapist. Difference between me and healthy person as that healthy person has all the emotional problems and i only have one'', then she started to talk about her problems as usual, and what the fuck am i in this conversation? I like people who can keep the conversation going no matter how random topic is, this one couldn't speak to save her life, so she continues unending talking shit, ignoring all the things i've said, because people don't really listen to what you're saying they are only hearing noise, which is what i'm hearing right now, difference is i'm actually listening, all i've heard was something like ''And my husband was making the beat, those guys were trippin shit, it was ill. We were slaying whole night, my gramma woke up and then she is totally milf bitch categorized, she got drunk and tried to dance on Britney...and then..'' and then i labeled myself as ill person beacuse if i weren't ill by now, i am beacoming just by imagining old lady dancing on Britney Bitch holding a beer, while lip-syncing Oops i did it again. I stopped her before i do it again pt. 2, and my mindset sets-off pt. 1, i'd go totally crazy in this circus, this is what i wanted to avoid, i lied to her, i wasn't really going to therapist, i was my own therapist, all i wanted was walking alone through the streets, 30 minutes of self-therapy. Like, where does self-therapy includes myself? There is photo-shop, instagram effects, plastic surgery, make-up, pills, gainers, protein-shakes and gym, but there is nothing that could fill the emptiness, or surgically remove the pain i wanted to erase by fucking walk alone, sometimes all you really need is long walk, hand-in-hand with yourself before you hand-out your soul to someone who's acting like searching the words to comfort you, but actually searching the fucks to give. Time flew, just like me and it only passed 5 minutes, i was located at the park, after i closed case of that woman with no name, i was in same place where 5 years ago i was self-destructed version of me located with misery as worst company, beacuse just like then, i am giving myself the same advice ''Don't let your hapiness depend on something you may lose. Trust yourself, you are all you've got.'' I walked by the park, and suddenly felt like male version of Marilyn Monroe, of 21 century, having problem with anxiety and self-esteem that was mistaken for narcissism, so when i look at the mirror, and i stare 30 minutes, i am  not full of myself, but opposite-ironicly deathly afriad of not being ''perfect'' by male beauty standards, just like her. While in my parallel universe i was being nominated for Crappy Awards: Shittiest Life Of The Year, which for the record, i deserved it, it's my great honor to take that award home. #HighLights of my non-existing career. Stepping into world of rich and famous. Hey, Kim Kardashian, wass good? Anyway, in order to complete self-therapy and for it to go successfull, first you need to love your-self, you need to have stable relationship with yourself, there is thin line between self-love and self-hate, in fact there is Great Wall of China, so if you hate yourself you first need to break that wall into pieces, and love yourself with every piece, beacuse self-confidence is like a brick, you can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.

When i lost myself in my ambitions, wishes, desires, and hope for better future, that's exactly where i found myself, that was my free self-therapy, it used to cost me everything and i used to pay it daily, how much does your self-therapy costs? How much do you pay your self-therapy, before it turns into self-destruction, in tears, not dollars?  I am wintess, judge, and cure to my pain. And i shall not pass the gate if i'm not ready for my daily therapy

'' THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER ''

- THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER - 

What is the significant other? Your mate, spouse, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, prostitute, slut, hooker, fuck buddy. It is commonly used when you don't want to be precise about the person who are you reffering as your sexual/love partner, or you just don't care enough to give away dirt details that are nobody's business. Like ''Why the fuck are you constatly talking about your ''singificant lover'' i mean, ''other''? Why don't you just say girlfriend?'' Beacuse his ''girlfriend'' is tranny called Kate, who sells cream puffs right next to the nursery by day, but she is actually the most watched female stripper in New York by night. So, what? The girl is making money. It's modern profession like ballet. Except you're free and out and about on display to everyone. They are not public, they are fandom. And you are not stripper, you're artist.. You can watch them like lttle decoration in room with full pockets of money. But you're singificant, right? At the end of a day, you will get more then ten types of answeres like ''Okay, fine, i'll spill the truth. He is not my significant other, and I did not hook up with him at that cafe either. He is a professional male prostitute and I hired him because I haven't had anything inside of me in such a long time. There i've said it. Satisfied?" - now that's the real definition of significant other.There are cases where your signifact other is actually same so it's more likely that your signifact other is signifact homogeneous. In sociology, it is the sociological term defined as a person who's thoughts and ideas of you as a person effect you most greatly, or their thoughts of you as sexual partner effect you most as sexual partner doing some mind-blowing stuff. Your best friend can also be your signifact other like ''I really care about what Natasha thinks about my new sex choices and decisions, so she is my Significant Other.'' Also, it could meanwhen you are allegedely "dating" someone, but the official title of boyfriend/girlfriend is like HTTP Error 404 message - not found, you give the task that wasn't able to be completed. You have that special term that really desribes your and your partner's intimate relationship without someone making an assumption about material, relationship status, or sexual orientation, it's your soulmate, it's your better or worse or same half, lover, evil in the night, guilty pleasure, and you own legitimate right to call your partner whatever you want, if it wasn't the case, it would not be significant. You could, for example, if you're female say that your partner has singificant size, or if you are male you could say your partner has significant size fo breasts? Beacuse, what is ''singificant'' if it's not something large enough to be noticed, or have an effect? Something that has big influence or effect on you. For example, if woman say ''He won singificant amount of money'' and she is talking about her significant other, you know she is marrying the guy, his amouth of money has infected her to the point of losing her idea for true love and happiness, aim to succeed on her own, and turn her desire into reallity when she heard about the money, she threw everything else under the table, she was impressed by his money, significantly speaking. There are sentences where the word ''significant'' isn't orgasm for ears, it's more blood from ears. Like when ''other woman'' used it. I personally, have nothing against those woman, everyone cheats. Girl who is trying to loose weight, the guy who lied his boss he has sick day, the woman who took her little niece to market just to get in line faster cause her niece if the cutest living thing there, the ''friend'' who is more then friend to you, but you still act like friends in public. But you can't judge a guy who cheats on his significant when you've been guilty of being ''other woman'' yourself, and someone used the word ''other'' and changed it into ''significant'' to introduce your day of raw, hardcore making love secretly to his so called gang. Ofcourse he wouldn't say you are other woman. It's more correct to say significant other, beacuse you had few significant hours, and now, when it's all said and done, you just determine the cause and price of your little slutty mistake, and you choose to live with regret or you say the truth, you're fucked anyway. The most people cheat beacuse they prefer to have what they don't have, then to pay attention to what they do have. Sometimes, you cheat future, with your past, past with your future, and you find yourself in timeline where socially acceptable beacomes unexpected trip to hell. Your mistakes are significant as markings on the stones, both, the significant first and the significant other.